5 Things I Learned from Spending $100,000 on Self-Healing
And How You Can Do It Without the Price Tag
The truth is — we all need to heal to some extent.
I personally have needed quite a bit of it.
For over a decade now I’ve been investing into my self-healing — hungry for resolve and not always sure where to turn.
Along the way I’ve made mistakes (although I prefer to see them as lessons more so than mistakes) and I’ve given my money to people who didn’t honor it the way it (or I) deserved.
And the absolute greatest way I can put those lessons to use — is by sharing them.
Because my friend, I promise you — healing is possible.
Healing is attainable.
And you don’t need to spend over a hundred grand to realize it.
From Kundalini Yoga to Grief Recovery to Meditation to African Dance to Energy Healing to Sound Healing to Trauma Healing to — of course — Shadow Work — I’ve bought it all.
And I’ve learned some beautiful teachings along the way….
5 Lessons I Learned From Spending $100K+
- Not all teachers have integrated their own shadows
Too often I encountered teachers who talked a good talk without walking the good walk.
In fact, I’ve lost the most money on people who didn’t embody their work.
When we pay someone to walk us through healing — but they haven't stepped strong into their own healing — we’re asking the blind to walk the blind.
- More money doesn’t mean more value
I’ve paid everywhere from $25 to $400,000 for an experience.
And one profound lesson I found was that the price tag doesn’t always match the quality.
An expensive course doesn’t guarantee a high value experience — and a smaller price tag doesn’t necessarily mean less worth either.
- Buzz words don’t equal knowledge
I fell for this one too many times.
Seeing a mentor use the words that resonate with you — doesn’t mean their teachings will.
- There is value even when the experience is a “let down”
We may not always spend our money as wisely as we could — but that doesn’t mean we’ve lost a quality teaching.
In fact, our painful lessons often hold GOLD for us — but we have to be open to receive it.
- The true healing lies within — and always will
Most of my life I thought that God — and also our problems — were all external.
Now I understand — it’s all within.
This is one of the biggest parts of self-healing. Healing the self by realizing that the healing is up to you.
Yes, there are guides to help you. And there are guides who genuinely do want to see you evolve because we understand how imperative it is to the growth of our society.
But at the end of the day, the person you will always go home to is yourself.
And that person is the only one who can actually do the work.
The healing work.
An Effective Method for When You’re Ready To Invest in Your Own Healing Journey
So you’ve found a dream course — a pretty guru — the website and emails have got you hooked and eager to pull out your wallet.
But how can you be sure this is the wisest way to spend your money?
And if you already have, how can you look back on it and pinpoint where and how it was an effective investment?
Enter my fancy schmancy rating system.
I call it Double Ice — so grab yourself a glass of ice cubes (metaphorically speaking of course) and let me explain.
An ice cube for every letter.
II CC EE
We’re gonna start with each cube and evaluate it.
If it stands, then our glass stays nice and chilly and we get to vibe out on the high of our grand investment.
But if the cubes start melting, we’re gonna have to drink our lesson a little different than planned.
Our first I……
❈Integrity.
Defined as the state of being whole — undivided — the quality of being honest.
So we ask ourselves — is the teacher coming from a place of honesty?
Did they do what they said they would do?
Did they right a wrong I experienced and shared?
Let me give you an example — One of the mentors I invested in was a trauma-informed yoga teacher. Incidentally (and not coincidentally), one of the most significant traumas of my adult life occurred while I was across the country, sitting in her class.
I came to her and shared my grief, and she responded with empathy, compassion, and a safe holding space.
She confessed that she did not understand what I was feeling.
She did not take my experience away from me or try to downplay it. She did not dismiss me or ask for more money.
She sat with me.
On the other hand, another mentor I invested in provided a course that left me feeling confused and not sure where to turn next.
This course cost me around $4,000.
So I approached the mentor and asked for 15 minutes of her time to discuss my needs —
And she refused to meet with me unless I paid her another grand.
Mentors either do their work from an honest heart place — and operate from that grounded stance,
Or they operate with profit in mind and don’t remain true to their mission.
You gotta evaluate their integrity before you invest — or else you might find yourself working with someone who deceives for gain and fame.
❈Intention.
The purpose — the aim — the goal.
What is this person’s objective? Their end goal?
It should be to guide you to your transformation and see it through.
But very often the intent is either monetary profit — or fame and glam.
This is where we see the pretty gurus with the perfect pictures and zero mess.
The influencers with thousands of followers but no quality connections or relationships.
Example — one of my trainings was an investment of $10,000.
I. Was. Stoked.
Once I sat through it though, the experience took a turn.
My mentor shared with us the “wisdom” that we can raise our rates at any time — and used us as her example.
“Just look at me. My last clients paid half what ya’ll are paying now.”
She gave herself away throughout the course, letting us know her obvious intent — charging us so she could pay her mortgage.
So how do you evaluate a person’s intent?
What’s included with the price?
What are the guarantees?
What access do you have to the trainer or mentor after the program is over? Read — do they drop you once they have your check in the bank?
Why do they do what they do? Very often our intention is to enhance society because we’ve come from the dirt and don’t want others to suffer the same.
❈Container.
A container can be virtual (like some of my offerings), it can be physical when we are literally sitting in a session, it can be transferred in email and invoices and it can be held in phone calls and messages.
It is where we are held — and how we are held.
It is the deliverability of the offering — and it needs to be held sacred and with respect.
Has it been cleaned?
Is it unsafe?
Is it toxic?
Will you be held safely within it?
Will your voice be honored inside it?
So for example — I invested nearly 5 grand into a Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training experience.
I would not trade my experience for anything — but the container turned out to not be a safe one.
I asked my teacher for some time to ask some questions that were weighing heavy on me.
Questions that were stalling my growth and not aligning with his teachings.
He told me he would give me time — and then did not honor it.
When I fought to ask my questions, he laughed at and dismissed them.
Compare that to my earlier yoga teacher example who held space for my pain and asked nothing of me in return.
One container was toxic, held with disrespect and without honor,
And one container was held with compassion and warmth, with space for my expression and no expectations.
❈Community.
A fellowship.
A tribe.
Community heals.
Community supports.
Community challenges.
Here is where we want to be cautious of toxic positivity — toxic cheerleaders.
When we read the reviews and see the comments on the social media posts, are we seeing genuine transformation and appreciation for the teachings — genuine support from a bonded community — or are we seeing cheerleaders who are rooting in the fan club?
One is evidence of a fruitful community — and one is evidence that someone knows how to build a following with no substance.
I invested in a retreat that led us to healing through music — this was easily one of my greatest investments yet.
As far as the Double Ice rating method goes, this puppy had a near perfect glass.
Except for one cube — it’s community.
The “online community” the teachers built was not maintained, and therefore fell through the cracks.
Translation — the tribe I felt I built while on the retreat faded away after we all parted ways.
Ask yourself how much of a community are you wanting to gain?
What role do you want this community to serve in your life?
How much are you willing to contribute to the community?
❈Experience.
You are always gathering experiences,
And they are always contributing to your growth and purpose.
So after the experience you invested in, explore it.
What was it like? How did it feel?
Was it transformative?
Were you vulnerable?
Were you held? Safe?
Was it violent? Abusive? Unwelcoming?
If the investment was valuable, then you’ll feel high flying and empowered.
If not, you’ll feel used — abused — rejected — unclean — unseen.
The key here is to allow the experience — even if it was a negative one — to still serve its purpose and provide you with your lesson.
You must be willing to receive.
❈Embodiment.
Our final ice cube — and one that I am incredibly passionate about.
Because when we are taught by someone who does not embody their work, we find ourselves in unsafe waters with a guide without a map.
Does this leader give a tangible form to the teachings — have they incorporated the work — have they integrated the dark — do they give form to idea?
I had one investment that I was particularly excited about.
I got hooked in because the mentor used a buzzword that’s very personal to me — trauma-informed.
Once entering the course, I quickly realized the content was not trauma-informed.
When I tried to talk with the mentor, she refused to speak with me. Instead, her boyfriend took a call with me — and proceeded to verbally berate me.
In fact, a healthy amount of the mentors I’ve invested in have turned out to be fraudulent teachers who completely lacked embodiment.
And this cube can often cause the most damage.
So when considering whether you want to go forward with a teacher, evaluate their transparency.
How much of their mess do they share with you?
What darkness have they walked through?
How have they turned their own Dark Nights into powerful and empowering lessons?
When you travel down an untamed river with a guide, you want someone who’s gone down it before…. Right?
You want someone who has the tools, resources, and knowledge to tell you where to steer, where to stop, how to stop, and everything else you need to know to travel those uncharted waters.
Because traveling an unknown journey is scary enough on its own — find someone who can provide you with solid, firm counsel along the way.
It’s ok if your ice cubes melt.
Remember — there’s value in every lesson.
When the ice melts, you’re left with a glass of water.
You get to drink your water and integrate your lesson. The lesson received is entirely up to whoever is drinking the water.
-Joseph Campbell
