Forward With Grace: The Rise After Emotional Abuse
My Story of Overcoming 40+ Years of Narcissistic Abuse
I was raised from birth by a narcissist.
I dated narcissists for decades.
I even procreated with a narcissist.
Malignant Narcissism, Overt Narcissism, Covert Narcissism....
Emotional Abuse of every kind along the spectrum.
You name it baby.
I’ve faced it.
And I’m still here.
Thriving.
I have lived an entire life submerged in narcissistic energy.
And I can confidently tell you my friend —
There is life on the other side.
Life Abundant.
Life Inordinately Sweet.
Personal Transformation is possible — I promise you.
Let me show you how I know.
Most of My Life Was Riddled With Unworthiness
My story isn’t super unique ya’ll — we’ve all been through the ringer in some form or fashion.
The theme to mine in particular, however, was one of unworthiness.
From guardians to counselors to friends to partners — just about everyone in my life regurgitated the theme right back to me —
I Am Not Worthy.
It wasn’t until years later that I would finally see that the reason this theme permeated my existence — the reason I heard it from every corner I turned — was because they were all simply mirrors, reflecting back to me my own self-image and worth that had been conditioned into me.
So — enduring trauma and abuse without adequate help or support ravaged my nervous system and further fed into my belief that I was unworthy.
Unworthy of kindness.
Unworthy of support.
Unworthy of a life of joy — of beauty — of ecstasy.
And I wasn’t the only one suffering in my family.
My mother committed suicide nearly 20 years ago.
Throughout the subsequent turmoil, I never had any kind of mental health follow up — no one to provide resources or counsel — no direction to turn — no supportive environment for processing grief.
And I sat with that because I embraced my theme — I wasn’t worthy of any of it anyway.
I shoved the pain down and bulldozed my way through life — never knowing the havoc this was all wreaking on my inner life.
But as Life loves to teach us — What happens in the dark will always come to light.
Living a life in the under-belly of sales — never tending to my deep inner wounds and dark shadows (or golden ones for that matter — a blog for another day) — eventually led me to being embezzled by one of my closest friends for half a million dollars.
A turning point in the game, in fact, that began my descent into my Dark Night of the Soul — and eventually my freedom.
Narcissistic Abuse Is Not Your Fault
But Your Healing Is up to You — And You Can Do It
I met with countless therapists throughout the years — hungry for relief. Help. Guidance.
But even they never properly identified or “diagnosed” the abuse pervading my daily walk.
Some even went so far as to mock and hurt me.
Eventually I made my way onto a different path — a somewhat less conventional one.
I started seeking gurus and mentors who could guide me deeper into my Self and help me clean the wounds,
But consistently found myself more educated but feeling less helped.
Too many of the “guides” I went to for help were lacking the one thing a true guide needs —
Lived Experience.
Because how can you guide someone along a path you’ve never yourself traversed?
After dating my last and final narcissist, I read the book Psychopath Free — and my eyes were opened to the patterns of the world.
Finally! It all made sense!
And the beautiful part about it all — I no longer had to be a victim to the undercurrent of patterns engulfing me.
So here’s the thing — you can see your own Dark Night one of two ways — as a tomb. Or as a womb.
Once I started seeing myself as a seed in the dark of soil instead of a dead flower that’s been buried, my growth began to skyrocket.
Because when we take control over the power of our thoughts instead of letting them control us — when we harness our manifesting might — we become unstoppable.
Unbreakable.
But we have to do the work.
How I Overcame Narcissistic Abuse
I researched.
I learned.
To be quite precise, I invested tens of thousands of dollars into my self-healing and expansion.
I studied Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell
I learned about Depth Psychology
I studied my Shadow and my Archetypes
I dove into my Dark night of the Soul and came out a Light.
I became friends with the fall.
And turned my poison into medicine.
And I can confidently say — there is bliss on the other side of the abyss.
I learned to release my abusers from the trauma bonds we had formed — and I learned to see them in a new light.
I have an immense amount of compassion for my abusers because I wouldn’t wish that level of suffering and hate on anyone.
I learned the value and importance of not only knowing — but intimately understanding — one’s top Shadow Aspects and — more importantly — how to integrate them evenly throughout the Self.
I learned that:
- Patterns aren’t Personal. There are literal maps to all of this — and when we can get our hands on the right ones, we can get through anything.
- Triggers are my messengers. They take me deeper into me. They’re the doorway to the work we have to do. When they show their faces now, I welcome them. I thank them.
- This was all leading me to the beauty-way. To a new way of life I never personally saw, because I always believed it was reserved for other people. A life that’s beautiful. A life that I AM worthy of.
After my mom’s suicide, it wasn’t until a major somatic breathwork release that the 17 years of heaviness and grief was released.
The experience was so powerful, in fact, that I’m now in the process of obtaining my own certification to guide others through somatic breathwork.
Because I want everyone to have access to the same wealth of information — without having to search for decades or spend a fortune to get access and, inevitably, relief.
Ultimately, my Lived Experience has been a gift to me (although I sure as hell wouldn’t have minded a less painful path…)
And I have nothing but gratitude for it all.
My Lived Experience has allowed me to shine the light on the trail for everyone else walking it through.
Because no one should have to walk this road alone.
I am turning all of the shame, pain, and fear dusted throughout my life into fuel for a better future.
I am turning my pain into purpose.
I am moving Forward With Grace.
-Joseph Campbell
